“Traditional” Language: “We admitted we were powerless over our eating disorders – that our lives had become unmanageable.”

Thoughts:

• This step is about committing ourselves to growth and recovery and recommitting to honoring our own hearts, minds, bodies and values — over our eating disorders.
• It is also about accepting the consequences that our eating disorders have had — and will continue to have over our lives. The EDA workbook is helpful here. It says that this step can mean:
  • “Accepting where we are at this point in our lives (instead of making excuses and telling ourselves it’s not that bad after all or that friends and family who worry are exaggerating).
  • Accepting our emotions. (They will all pass. Feeling our emotions and learning to fin safe outlets for them helps us develop healthy coping skills.
  • Accepting moments of self-loathing and learning to forgive ourselves and others for not being perfect
  • Accepting that our expectations will sometimes be disappointed and that this is a normal part of daily life. (Learning to find humor and growth in everything.)
  • Accepting that whatever we think and feel today will change. Life is never static and neither are we.”
• For some people, especially women, people of color, queer people, survivors of abuse and assault… focusing on powerlessness can feel scary and remind us of other times in our lives when we felt powerless. Feminist critiques of traditional 12-step programs have pointed out that we are not wrong to notice that our feelings of powerlessness are not just personal but often stem from the realities of political, social, and institutional systems. We can acknowledge this reality and consider the areas where we DO have power to choose recovery and growth.
• It is helpful for many of us to acknowledge that once we start to use eating disorder behaviors — or fall into obsessive thoughts about body image and hating or bodies — we feel powerless to stop and cannot pull ourselves out through “willpower” alone. We have all tried some version of this and it has not worked, at least not in the long run.
• For some people, the word “unmanageable” feels off. Many people with eating disorder behaviors live lives that are extremely “functional” or “high-achieving” on the surface. For all of us though, there are ways that these behaviors and thought patterns ARE negatively impacting our lives. What has it cost us emotionally, physically, spiritually, socially? When we use eating disorder thoughts and behaviors as a way to distract ourselves, what connections with ourselves and other are we losing?
• The EDA workbook summarizes the heart of Step 1: “Step One encourages us to surrender to the facts. Instead of trying to manage life to fit unrealistic expectations, we step back to take a careful look at what’s going on. Instead of searching for “tricks” to avoid pain, we decide to live life fully. This includes allowing ourselves to experience pain, joy and everything in between. The responsibility for our recovery is ours alone. We need to be kind and patient with ourselves as never before. This is easier with help; get professional and group support. Step One is the first step on a long journey of finding out and wholeheartedly embracing who you truly are.”

Journaling and discussion prompts for Step 1 (Adapted from Charlotte Kasl)

• What negative physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and social consequences have you experienced as a result of your eating disorder (you can substitute other terms like chronic dieting, body hate, disordered eating, compulsive exercise…)? Consider both practical/concrete consequences like loosing jobs/educational opportunities, health and dental consequences, etc as well as consequences like missing opportunities to explore your sexuality, lost time with friends, lost time on hobbies or activism, harm to relationships with loved ones, etc. You might also include things you did while active in your eating disorder that you otherwise would not do. Many of us have done things like lie, steal food, use behaviors at times we were supposed to be responsible for others, etc. This can feel scary and challenging but we need to remind ourselves that the stakes are high.
• Red flags: What are some red flags that tell you you are sliding into powerlessness with eating disorder thinking and behaviors? Examples might include: skipping meals, needing to push work outs a little longer/farther/harder every day, weighing yourself, other forms of body checking like obsessively looking in mirrors or trying on clothes, planning restrictive diets or weight loss… etc.
• What strategies have you used to manage or control your eating disorder behaviors in the past? (i.e. making promises to others, attending treatment or making promises to yourself like: “i’ll only purge once a day”… “i’ll stop trying to lose weight when I hit x pounds…” “i’ll give up my eating disorder when i become a parent.” “if i just stick to this exact eating schedule/plan/diet, i won’t have to use other behaviors…” “if i cut out X food, my eating will be more under control..”_ What was the outcome of these strategies to control your eating disorder?
• In what ways do you “give yourself permission” to act out your behaviors or strengthen these thought patterns? (“I just need to get to X weight/size and then I can focus on recovery… I just need this right now; I’ll focus on recovery later… I just need to purge one more time. I’ll never do it again… One more time won’t matter. Tomorrow I’ll eat like a “normal” person.”)
• What needs do eating disorder thoughts and behaviors fill? Do they help soothe overwhelming anxiety? Do you use some behaviors in the hope that they will help you sleep? Is there a hope that looking a certain way/being a certain size will boost your confidence, help you fit in, help you feel more accepted or attractive? Is there a hope that using behaviors or looking a certain way will make it easier to get help? Or that others will help without needing to be asked?
  • What ways do you have power to take care of yourself and meet these hopes, wants and needs without harming yourself?
    • List ways positive ways — big and small — you have chosen taken care of yourself today, this week, this month, and this year.
    • Then, list ways you will choose to take care of yourself to meet these needs in the future. You can use phrases like ” I choose too..” or “I have the power to…” or “I can learn to…”

Potential alternative wording for Step 1 to try on and experiment with:

• I admit I am powerless over my [eating disorder behaviors] but I have the power to seek growth and change and to make choices that support recovery.
• I acknowledge the pain and suffering I experience because of my compulsive use of [behavior] and I commit myself to recovery.
• I am powerless over the progressive nature of my eating disorder but I do have power to make new choices and actions.
• I admit that eating disorder behaviors and obsessions have taken me away from my true self and I commit myself to prioritizing my own potential for wholeness.

Many Roads is a peer group for those seeking to recovery from eating disorders, disordered eating behaviors, body hate, chronic dieting etc. We offer free, virtual, online group meetings.