The 12 steps hold a lot of wisdom. By exploring them using our own values and voice, they can become even more powerful and authentic. Each participant is invited to experiment with drafting their own personal version of the steps to guide their recovery: keeping what is useful, modifying what doesn’t quite fit and leaving the rest.
Why reword the 12 steps? The original 12 step programs were developed for a white, upper-middle class christian, heterosexual, gender-conforming male audience. Women, people of color, lgbtqia+ people, poor and working class people, criminalized people, as well other marginalized people — as well as atheists, agnostics, or people hurt by traditional religions — often need to “translate” the traditional twelve step language so it works for them. Charlotte Kasl writes that “making constant inner translations is exhausting.” The Many Roads model offers an “expansive” version of traditional 12 steps. Rather than a rigid model, steps are presented as a framework for members to experiment with as they find their own authentic inner voice. Words are important. Charlotte Kasl references Paulo Freire in pedagogy of the oppressed: “Now [words] speak to me and I can make them speak. I work, and working transforms the world.” Kasl reflects on how important the specific words we use in our recovery journeys are. If we are actively changed by the words we use, we need to choose words that align with who we want to be and the ways we want to perceive ourselves and the world. This is especially important for those of us socialized as women who were taught to ignore our own wants and needs and to avoid criticizing others.
Everyone with an eating disorder will find they have many things in common with others with eating disorders. That said, we all have different experiences of the world and different identities. Many of us were trained to look to authority figures to guide us, save us, and protect us and we don’t have a lot of practice thinking about what WE want and need. The very process of experimenting and seeking out words that resonate for you — while feeling free to leave what DOESN’T work — can be a part of discovery and healing because it connects you with your authentic inner wisdom.
The steps below are just one example of what an expansive 12 step program can look like. They’re offered as a jumping off point for your own exploration!
1. I admitted that when I use eating disordered behaviors, I am powerless to control them. I commit to moving instead towards behaviors to promote growth, connection and joy.
2. I believe there there is a loving power that is both greater than me and within me, that connects me to other beings and the universe – and that this power can restore me to hope and balance.
3. I am willing to listen for the universe’s wisdom, knowing it can be found within myself, and to be guided by that wisdom. I will ask for and accept support and help from those I love and trust when I need it.
4. I am committed to examining my life honestly and without judgement to see how my actions – and the ways I have been taught to hate myself – are causing harm to me or others.
5. I tell the truth about myself to myself and to those I trust. I can tell the truth about all of my feelings and experiences, including things I regret and things I celebrate.
6. I believe that by accepting all parts of myself, just as I am, I open myself to growth and transformation.
7. When I feel lost or stuck, I ask the universe for the courage, wisdom and strength to transform thoughts and behaviors that no longer serve me into thoughts and actions that serve a greater good.
8. When I realize I have harmed myself or another person, I am willing and grateful for the opportunity to make a repair, knowing we are all equally children of the universe.
9. I take responsible actions to heal and repair the ways I have hurt other people and myself with a spirit of reconnection and humility.
10. I continue to tell the truth about myself and my life everyday, as non-judgmentally as I can. I embrace opportunities for growth and change, celebrating how far I’ve come.
11. I actively seek time and space to listen to my wisest inner voice.
12. As I grow and change, I look for opportunities to apply these ideas in my daily life and be of service to others. I grow in awareness that the most challenging parts of life can deepen my connections to others and myself.
Our Hopes for Our Recovery
(Modeled after the Ninth Step Promises of EDA)
If we are thoughtful, patient with ourselves, and persistent about our growth and healing, individually and as a community, we will know a new sense of presence, peace, and freedom. We will not seek to run away from the realities of our lives and ourselves. We will have a deeper sense of self-acceptance. Feelings of despair and isolation will recede. We will increasingly see how our hardest experiences connect us with other people. Insecurity and fear of judgement will leave us as we set aside judgement of ourselves. We will know how to handle and tolerate situations we used to find confusing and overwhelming. We will see that embracing our truest self and working towards a greater good in loving community has done for us what we could not do alone.
These hopes are being fulfilled among us. Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize, sometimes in surprising ways, if we take small steps forward every day. We will recognize them whenever we are careful to look.
Many Roads is a free virtual eating disorder recovery support group. Join us for fellowship as we share experience, strength and hope, recovering from our eating disorders together.
manyroadsedrecovery.com 