Traditional language: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.

At its core, step 8 is about repairing relationships, with others and with yourself. Charlotte Kasl writes that being willing to make amends to ourselves and repairing that relationship is a challenging but important starting point. How have we abandoned, neglected, or harmed ourselves?

Listing other people we fear we have wronged can bring up lots of shame. “A way to alleviate the shame around our destructive or hurtful behavior is to recognize that there is usually a positive intention or an unmet need underlying every negative act. Many of our destructive habits started in childhood as mechanisms to survive in a hurtful family or in a negative community environment.”

We harm others when we feel separated from love and care – from ourselves, others, and the universe/our higher power. So even though it can feel paradoxical, allowing ourselves to feel care — especially if we are feeling shame — is an important step towards healing our relationships.

It’s also important to note that step 8 doesn’t ask us to make amends yet, just to become willing. “Becoming willing is an intrinsic part of the spiritual journey.” It means we are willing to do something that could be uncomfortable in order to grow.