At the most basic level Step 6 is about looking for these patterns of thinking that we cling to for safety but that ultimately keep us stuck (these could be wanting someone else to save us, wanting to “procrastinate” on recovery, thinking that there’s something unique about us that means we can’t recover, etc).

Traditional language: Were entirely ready to our Higher Power remove all these defects of character.

Charlotte Kasl summarizes this step as “willingness to change.” She also notes a few aspects of the traditional step that she finds problematic:

• Like in step 4 and 5, the phrase “defects of character” might increase feelings of shame rather than help us release it.
• Being “entirely ready” to change may not be a realistic goal for many of us. It is very human to vacillate between wanting to change and wanting to hang on to familiar patterns that feel safe. We may be ready to change one behavior or way of thinking but not others — and that change is still something to be celebrated. The more we can move away from black and white perfectionistic thinking, the better. Even in the steps themselves.
• Being ready to have “defects of character” removed might make us feel like we’re not lovable or worthy of connection unless we are “fixed.” Charlotte Kasl writes “part of our humanness is that we are a mixture of behaviors, some that work and some that don’t. Suggesting or implying that we can remove all “shortcomings” and “defects of character” leads to constant nonacceptance of ourselves. We are perfectly imperfect right in this moment.”

Potential alternatives for step 6 language:

• I am willing to let go of shame, guilt, and any behavior that prevents me from loving myself and connecting with others.
• I am willing to give up or transform behaviors that are not self-affirming.
• I am ready to trust that working towards recovery in a consistent and imperfect way will bring me closer to an authentic and present life.
• I am ready to accept myself as I am now while I work to grow into new versions of myself.
• I am ready to build on my strengths and see how I can work with my weaknesses.
• I am ready to quit fighting myself.