Traditional Step 5 Language: “Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.”

Points for a gentle and supportive Step 5:

• Step 5 is an extension of Step 4 (https://wordpress.com/post/manyroadsedrecovery.com/400). Charlotte Kasl writes about them as ‘cleansing’ steps where we give ourselves permission to acknowledge and let go of thoughts and beliefs — including shame, guilt, or other secrets — that drive our eating disorder behaviors. This has nothing to do with our ‘wrongs.’ We try as hard as possible in Step 4 not to judge ourselves and to offer the same compassion we would offer a friend, remembering that just because we may have made mistakes in the past, or wish we had done certain things differently, there is nothing inherently wrong with us.
• In Step 4, we started listing out FOR OURSELVES those thoughts and beliefs of fear and hopelessness, secrets, and things we feel shame about. In Step 5, we may CHOOSE to share our list with someone or a force outside of ourselves IF we feel that sharing is safe and feels supportive of recovery. Charlotte Kasl writes: “no matter what the sources of our shame and guilt, it is important to talk about these inner tyrants” that can monopolize our energy, attention and fuel eating disorder behaviors. If there is anything that blocks are ability to show ourselves kindness, we need to find ways to let go of those blocks. “By clearing out our secretes, we deflate the power of shame and guilt.” When people accept us, just as we are, we learn that maybe we are not the bad and shameful person our eating disorders tell us we are. Charlotte Kasl writes “Because secrets shared become sacred truths, this step helps us love and accept ourselves.”
• In many traditional 5 step groups, the list is shared with a sponsor. For our purposes, we could consider sharing our lists (or parts of our lists – there are no rules or musts) with people like therapists/other treatment team member, a trusted friend, group members or anyone else who feels safe.
• If we do decide to share with another person, we need to go at a pace dictated by our wisest selves. The discernment involved in our instincts about what to share and when is an important piece of learning to trust ourselves again.
• If we are not ready to share with another human we can also share with a conception of a higher power that works for us. For example, some people choose to take their list to a space that feels sacred outside, read it into the universe, and let it go. Others might want to write them down and burn them in a candle or bonfire to release them to the universe or to their higher power. Others might want to read them to a pet.
• What matters more than how we share secrets or if we share them at all is that we feel can accept and forgive ourselves, so that we get to feel the relief that comes with knowing our secrets no longer have power over us.