Step 4 Traditional Language: We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves

Charlotte Kasl writes that she sees Step 4 as a major step towards deflating the role of shame and guilt in our lives, freeing up our thoughts and energy for life on life’s terms today and freeing us up to love ourselves. She also points up the importance of learning how to accept and be accountable for our human mistakes and imperfections without framing as ‘character defects’ that are intrinsic to who we are. She writes: “It is possible to say, ‘I made a mistake, I hurt someone and I’m sorry’ without saying one is immoral” which is implied in Step 4. She’s also careful to point out that a truly thorough inventory would not be complete without consideration of our abilities, talents, strengths, and growth, noting that most women have been trained since birth to blame ourselves for things, writing ‘we are obsessed with guilt and shame in this culture, and spend very little time affirming the magic, wonder, and beauty that is around us and within us.’

The core components of this step are:

• Understanding and acknowledging to ourselves sources of pain, confusion, anger, shame and regret in our lives, especially when our thoughts and feelings about these things fuel our eating disorders
• Thoughts or beliefs about ourselves that hold us back from being present in our lives and being connected with others.
• Understanding and appreciating our own strengths, progress and things in our life we celebrate
• Practicing radical acceptance of ourselves, even the things we don’t like and want to change, because acceptance of reality is the first step towards real change. Practicing seeing ourselves with compassion and without judgement.
• Practicing separating regret we may have about previous actions or circumstances from our tendency to label ourselves as flawed or wrong.

Example alternative language from Charlotte Kasl:

• I examine my life, allowing myself to accept the reality of the things for which I feel guilty, wrong or ashamed while affirming my strengths and positive growth.
• I try to be honest with myself about positive and negative conditions in my life as well as my own thoughts, feelings, and actions.
• I am honest with myself about how my actions and beliefs affect my own life and the lives of other people.
• I practice shining light on secrets I keep or other thoughts that make me feel wrong or ashamed. I look for patterns in the way that secrets and beliefs about myself contribute to my eating disorder.