Step Four (traditional language): Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 

Step Four uncovers all the thoughts and emotions that fuel our eating disorder behaviors and helps identify new ways of thinking and feeling that we can use in recovery. In Step One, we admitted we were unreliable in taking care of ourselves when we use eating disorder behaviors. If we are honest with ourselves, we see it is not possible to be present and available for others in our lives if  we are not taking care of ourselves. We can never be fully effective in serving our higher purpose if we are operating from a place of instability. We need to be willing to expose and let go of the fears and issues that caused us to want to use an escape in the first place. The purpose of Step Four is to help us find, and prepare us to let go of, everything that has been keeping us from being able to handle life on life’s terms. 

Step 4 cannot magically take away life’s challenges, but it can help us respond in a way that does not cause further harm to ourselves. Underlying our harmful behaviors are ideas and patterns of belief that we need to bring out into the open. First, we have to accept that as independent adults, we have to do our best to meet our basic needs with the resources we have available to us before we can do anything else in this world. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs lays out four basic needs: physical, safety, love/belonging, and esteem. We can experience all of these needs at one time, but humans need to get their physical and safety needs met (such as for water, sleep, food, clothing, and shelter) before they can readily form relationships of trust and interdependence with others.  First things first!

Eating disorders promise us they will meet a whole set of our emotional needs: escape, comfort, numbing, an escape from anxiety and depression, a sense of identity, an outlet for rage. But we create a bind for ourselves. The AA text says that feelings that underlie compulsive and addictive behaviors — Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, and Despair—also reinforce those behaviors. When we are stuck in this bind, our eating disorders will displace everything joyful and authentic in our lives.

The traditional step 4 language calls on us to take an “inventory” of ourselves. Many people with eating disorders are experts at identifying our own flaws, defects and ways we could be “better.” We may have spent years inventorying what we see as flaws, but we still stay stuck. Another approach to Step 4 could be to consider without shame or judgement, the thoughts, beliefs and behaviors we want to move away from, not because they make us bad or tell us anything about our character, but because they are keeping us from being present in our ‘wild and precious lives.’ Things we might want to inventory could include

• Thoughts that stop us from being honest, authentic, spontaneous and joyful
• Internal voices of fear and hopelessness. 
• Beliefs about ourselves that kick off or fuel cycles of eating disorder thoughts and behaviors
• Ways that we give ourselves permission to act on eating disorder thoughts and behaviors. 

In addition to these ‘negative’ aspects, we also want to reflect on things we are proud of and the parts of ourselves that can be assets in our recovery. Charlotte Kasl writes that this is just as important, if not more important in recovery, and notes that it is something women often have very little experience with. This is one of the reasons the ritual of sharing positive milestones with each other is so powerful. The EDA workbook also suggests making a list of the things you like and value about yourself, and noticing that they are often the ”flip’ side of things you consider negative. Examples of characteristics include;

• Sense of humor
• Enthusiasm
• Openness
• Thoughtfulness
• Cheerfulness
• Generosity
• Trustworth
• Honest
• Intelligent
• Loyal
• Hard-working
• Open-minded
• Courageous
• Creative
• Loving
• Friendly

The EDA workbook suggests asking a trusted friend if you are having a hard time thinking of your own list. For each of these, see if you can come up with patterns of thought and behavior that help you stay grounded in these parts of yourself and let you express them in the world. So, if one of the things you like about yourself is your friendliness, a pattern of thinking that helps you stay connected to that characteristic is reminding yourself that you genuinely like other people and most people respond well to that. For an example of a pattern of behavior that lets you live that in the world, you could note that in social situations, you always scan the room for someone who looks unsure and engage them in conversation, help introduce them to people, etc.