Many of us realize that we turn to our eating disorders as a way to help ourselves feel better: by numbing, distracting, or otherwise helping us cope with difficult life circumstances. We want to be clear: many of us do have very real and challenging life issues like serious illness of ourselves or a family member, financial limitations, lack of access to healthcare or housing, or being victims of discrimination or abuse. All of us have “regular” life challenges like difficult relationships, parenting or other caregiving responsibilities, school or work stress, the ongoing global pandemic, or even hearing disturbing headlines about acts of violence and bigotry or the climate crisis. We also acknowledge that because of fatphobia that is pervasive in our culture, we hold on to the hope that controlling our body size will help us feel more loveable and acceptable to ourselves and others. 

The specific ways we hope our eating disorders will help may differ from day to day, even for the same person. We might use behaviors and the physical symptoms of our behaviors to feel “in control,” comforted, or numb. We may turn to compulsive patterns of thought as a mental distraction. We don’t blame or judge ourselves for needing ways to cope. Even though these behaviors and symptoms only “work” in the short term – and cause harm in the long term –  we used them in past because that’s what was available to us. We know we will continue to live in oppressive systems and face individual life challenges but moving forward, we want to increasingly choose ways of coping that support the lives we want to lead. 

• First, list the different needs that eating disorder thoughts and behaviors fill for you? What emotions, thoughts or situations does it help distract from?
  • You might consider questions like the following:
    • Do you use behaviors to numb or soothe feelings like anxiety, sadness, loneliness? Are there certain topics or situations that are consistent triggers? 
    • Do you use some behaviors in the hope that they will help you sleep or help you physically relax?
    •  Is there a hope that looking a certain way/being a certain size will boost your confidence, help you fit in, help you feel more accepted or lovable? 
    • Is there a hope that using behaviors or looking a certain way will make it easier to get help or access to resources? 
• Then, list ways you have already chosen/will choose to take care of yourself to meet these needs in the future without harming yourself.

Many Roads is a peer support group for people who want to recover from their eating disorders. We have free, virtual online meetings. We take an expansive, feminist, lgbtqia+ affirming, trauma informed approach approach to 12 step-based recovery programs. For more information, see www.manyroadsedrecovery.com.